Living with Asperger's Syndrome

I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Disorder less than a month ago and I am 56 years old. I learned of ASD two years ago and immediately knew my affliction was autism My psychologist of over a year had never heard of it and basically refused to talk about it for another year until I had to let him go. I learned he had R/O or ruled it out – without his knowing about it! I experienced one of my worst episodes of dysfunctional depression during that time.

As I look back over my life ASD explains a lot, such as, “I was a quiet kid,” because I played by myself. I am one of those males that “pushed through things,” as I stuffed my feelings. I didn’t know that my “introversion” episode during my second semester in college was actually major depression I am an extrovert and I kept pushing from there all the way into alcoholism to medicate my stuffed feelings.

Marriage was a disaster without the ability to be intimate and affectionate. At 19 years we gave it up, but produced two terrific boys, now young men and I have them to thank for my sobriety.

Work was a series of angst, one job after another. I kept on pushing until 9/01 when I was let go from my last job. I became determined to “figure this thing out before I put myself or another boss through my crap!” I didn’t realize that I had already started on that quest two years earlier in 1999 as I seeked answers from “doctors.” I kept pushing until I was homeless and still without a clue.

Being a Viet Nam Era veteran the VA took me in. Bush tried to keep me out, but I kept pushing. I went back to school while biding time to “figure this thing out.” Last December, five months ago, my efforts started paying off. TEACCH of North Carolina called me in response to my application months earlier. They had an opening for me that resulted in my diagnoses, as I kept pushing.

So, I’m at a 9 on a 1 - 10 scale, because I believe that 90% of solving a problem is identifying the problem. I was at a 3 just five months ago after pushing for nine years, or more. I was about at the end of my rope, but I also believe God will not give you more than you can handle, so He answered before it became too much.

I have learned to isolate from NTs (Neuro-typicals) to keep my anxiety in check; I began to not push so hard with the help of my eighth and latest therapist. Now, I will attend a social group of Aspies twice monthly to see what it’s like on the outside as opposed to the inside. I will begin the process of reprogramming myself, to at least the extent I will accept, by CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, so that the boss and I don’t drive each other crazy. I’ve got some irrational beliefs to dissolve because of being an Aspie in an NT world and not knowing it. It is much better to know if you’re an Aspie early on; it would prevent a lot of unnecessary heartache! Optimistically, I hope to return to work within a year as I complete my training for a new career and finally achieve my first bachelor’s degree with over 200 hours of college credit.

I have a special person I want to thank for creating the opportunity to “figure this thing out.” It’s a new and special person in our culture that has been on the seen for maybe forty years. I can imagine she stood fast in her determination because it was her offspring that risked being discarded by the “Male” culture we know. She wasn’t going to take “No” for an answer nor take the blame for not having raised her children “properly.” She went to school and went to work; she may have stayed home, but she was educated and she had kids. She is the “educated mom” that we have begun to know. Thank you, Mom!