Living with Bipolar Disorder

I am a mother of 3 small children 2, 4, and 6 and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 3 years ago. I have been through a course of medications that if it said it had side effects, I had them. Each pregnancy acted like a catalyst for my disorder. I would feel very normal during pregnancy and then depressed for months after delivery. I would then get into a manic episode which included late nights, no sleep, excessive shopping, drinking not eating and grandiose thoughts of becoming a famous anything. I would touch a pen to paper and feel like I was an accomplished author or go to the mall and just know that I was going to be discovered!!

Some of it seems silly but it is terrifying and disheartening to know what my family endured during these episodes. I found a really great combination of medications that worked for a good length of time until a very stressful event happened and my dr. introduced xanax into the mix. I would up on 8 different benzodiazapines in 6 months. My first hospital this past summer titrated me off of 4 but added 2 new ones. My second turn it was thought that I was having seizures neuropathically which turned out to be side effects of the combinations of the meds. Finally, I went to a great hospital and was titrated off of 12 medications in 7 days.

It took about 3 months after coming home to feel good on my medication again. Scary thing is I don’t remember the summer at all…I took my children to the pool, parks and drove myself all the while..I am so thankful that nothing happened to any of us. I now take what I call my trinity, Lithium, Lamictal and Ambien. This combo was my original meds and now again it seems to work. I am terrified that one day my body will reject these and I will have to go through the process again. I am lucky…i know many people who have not found the right combination of pills yet..keep trying!!! There are so many other factors to keeping bipolar under control..awareness, honesty, support, trust, sleep, simplicity..it is a daily struggle and I know first hand how hard it is. I put up the fight because I care about myself and my family..the only way to be there for them is to take care of me…I would rather be the one who survives and tells my success story of struggle, trials and tribulations that be the one in the grave with some who feels sorry for me telling it!!!

Good luck to all!!! You are not alone..stay strong!!!