Living with Depression

telling a story of this sort is rather hard for me. I have always been the “in charge” type. Not really open with my feelings at all. It’s not easy to tell when this all started, I really ignored all symtoms for a long time.

I started to notice the change in my mood when I had lost a job around 5 years ago, and it wasn’t long after that I lost my home and my family. I thought everyone was just crazy and this was not my fault.

I started over after moving to florida on my own, within a matter of months I lost everything again to a hurricaine, and a handfull of bad desisions of my own. this is where I think it began to affect me the most. I moved to Michigan to live with my sister and her husband untill I could get back on my feet. that has yet to happen and it’s been 4 years.

I don’t sleep more than a few hours each night, I can’t stop feeling like I am completly worthless, and the all of my misfortunes were caused by myself.

I cannot bring my self do do much more than eat and stare out the window and think of how I will spend the rest of my life alone because I deserve to. I have lost every bit of self esteem I used to have. and I don’t really know where to go next. I am completely broke and have no income, so affording medical help is so far out of reach.

Up untill a week ago I would have laughed at you if you suggested that I was suffering from depression untill my sister saw an tv add about it and made a joke that they were talking about me. she was so right. I have not been able to open up to anyone fro several years untill this very moment.

I havn’t even talked to any one about it, It’s just not an easy thing to explain to someone who doesn’t understand depression. I have no Ideal what to do next, or if there are any doctors that will help being that I cannot afford treatment. I am really lost.

writing this story has takin’ over an hour because my mind is so scattered It’s hard to focus on anything. I don’t feel suicidal or anything but the feeling of total uslessness is a constant.

I know I need medical help but I don’t know what to do.