Living with Narcotic Abuse

i am a child that was born normally. i like to think that i was in everyway balanced before i ruined my life. i have a loving family who i love dearly. i have goals and asperatons in which i would like to acheive in life. in one of the periods in my life i got hooked on drugs i was taking drugs to have fun. but one night somthing terrible happened i change my life altogether with one stupid buzz.

i took speed that same night i took sleeping pills because i couldn’t fall asleep.
i did not fall asleep that night and i am almost sure that i only took 1 speed pill
but i had taken 2 sleeping pills.
the following mourning i left my house to get some fresh air and meet up with some friends as i waited at the bus stop i drunk some water…. it may be possible that i had not drinking water in awhile…. once i took a sip of my water it felt as if the effects of the sleeping pills had started.. i could of swore i was going to colaspe in the bus stop but i did not… going along with that weird day i took the bus and met my friends at another bus stop,,, and when i got there i felt this feeling in which i’ve never felt b4 and that will haunt me t’ll i die.. i felt this feeling of gasping within my ear drum. i cannot remember if it was a gasp or a inhalition but it was weird …

this all happened about 3 years ago
and it feels like its never left like that trip left a mark on my system and that i doomed… i really want my life back.

i now feel like i’ve done sumthing very wrong to my brain i feel very depressed i cannot be myself anymore naturally its like the only way i feel normal is when i take drugs. the feeling is always there.

its sucks because i know things could of been alot different. i just wish sumone could tell me what went wrong.
i really do not want to give up on life because it is beautiful and full of opportunities. i just want to be myself again.

i look around myself everyday and i see so many people that are living life without stress or anything that would stop them from feeling happy and satisfied.

at times i feel like theres nothing wrong with me but other times i really do.

i’ve seen sum other stories in which other have written and i find myself insulting some of these others because they face/faced situations in which they were born with illnesses or were in unfortunate accidences but i do not want anyone to take my story that way. i face myself with a certain situation in which i feel i need treatment and help from others.

my goal in life at this point is to get back to being me thats all
i’ve wrote my story here today because i really want somone to write me back with there opinion

i really hope sumone will write back to me
again i am really sorry if i offend anyone with my drug addict story.
but i realize now how precise ones life is.
and i would do anything to express my true self with anyone