Living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 18.. Its something I now know I’ve always had. The braking point was when I couldn’t get this one horrible, horrendous, terrible repetitive thought and image out of my head. It didn’t matter what I’d do, it was constant and although I knew it was ridiculous and silly, and as much as I tryed to not think about it there was nothing I could do to ascape it. I had had horrible repetitive thoughts about different subjects up untill that point all of my life. Sometimes they’d last for weeks sometimes months sometimes years but I had always managed to talk myself round..

Unfortunately this time it was such a horrible thought that it made me physically ill, I couldn’t eat or sleep all I did was cry for weeks. I didn’t understand why I was thinking about this one terrible thing, it was really frightening I thought I was going crazy! I couldn’t possibly tell anyone what this horendous throught was… It was that bad!! But thank god for my mum! she took me to the doctor who refered me to a psychologist she diagnosed me with OCD put me on zoloft and refered me to a cognative behaviour therapist which helped an amazing amount.. I remember thinking at the time “by the time I’m 23 I wont have this horrible thought, I’ll be over it” 23 came and went and although it wasn’t something that consumed my thoughts every second of every minute of every day it was still there….

I’m 29 now and since the diagnosis I have tryed to come off zoloft 3 times but unfortunately even with therapy it seems to be impossiable to escape this one horrible thought and image.. Apart from this hurdle I live a normal amazing life I own my own business and have a wonderful boyfriend. I have learnt over the years how to cope and deal with this obsession. To look and talk to me you would have no idea I have a mental illness. The reason I am telling my story is because with OCD you hear alot about compulsions (The physical repetitive actions) but not alot about obsessions (The repetitive thoughts and images) I guess its not what people talk about because usually the thoughts are to horrible to mention. Hopefully this helps someone that may have a similer thing to realise they’re not the only ones and it is possible to learn to cope with this and lead a normal happy life!!