Living with Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

I was a young nineteen year old female in the United States Army. I was very short and tiny except for my breast.
Every day the MP’s would make smart remarks about me.

One day I cut my wrist,while at the hosp a Dr molested me and put his hands on my breast and said,what better place to put a mans hands but on a womans breast.

I went to my commander to get out the military, she told me the only way was to get married and if they could not station you with your husband then they would let you out.

I wanted to tell her what happened but she was going through her own hell at that time.

One day while I was at work about two years ago, a man tried to grab at me. It was then that that day surfaced up at me like a lion. I was yelling screaming and Gods knows what else.

It was then that the last 36 years that I kept a secret that came back to hunt me.

To day this I am trying to prove my case with the military, but they don’t believe me. They would have not then so why did I think they would now?

It’s true what I have gone through, cutting my wrist and not getting any help, then to have a Dr touch me and say what he did.

I am living in hell today because of this. I dream of him in my room. When I look at men I keep thinking is he the one. I can’t keep a relationship because of it.

Yes, I know what its like to have PTSD and to live every day of your life with it.

It’s just another hell you have to go through and live with.

Thank you all for letting me vent as I am at my wits end.

Every day I think of taking my life and just getting it over. What stops me you ask? I live for my mother. If it would not be for her I don’t know if I would be here.

Thank you all again for letting me express my feelings