Living with Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

It’s not very inspiring or very helpful to everyone ,but maybe this will show some dont have as bad of a situation as me. I am only 16 years old and I am involved with a girl who is also 16. I’ve known her for a few years and i began to have feeling for her as young people often do. I became deeply involved with her life and made it threw a year with being her everything, but little did i know there was more to her than meets the eye. You see my girlfriend who i cared for so much and now am in love with has been getting raped by hero father sence she was in elementry school and i had no idea until i was with her for the first year. I coulden’t believe what i was getting into ,but i coulden’t just let her go i had to help her. I began to stress intencly with the thought of what might be going on at her home. Sad to say befor this she was my first i had “been with” if you know what i mean. So there was so much i was not ready for and i soon became rebelious. I became a drug addict because i could not speek of what was happening to my girlfriend and the pain I was feeling. I felt no one could ever understand me. I felt gross nasty and unable to feel emotion for anyone else. I shut everyone down who wanted to be close and I even started running away from home. My worst pain soon bame when I heard my g/f getting raped over the phone one day after school. I coulden’t take this pain at this age and i fell far behind in school. I ditched every day and do what most of the bad crouds did. I soon convinced her to get help one day after I threatend her that I would brake up with her if she didn’t say anything. She did not tell me at first because she said well then it’s over and i cried to her just to say something , but she let me go. I soon was called by her in foster care when she told me she said something because of me and that she loved me with all her heart and she won’t be able to talk to me much anymore. I excepted this ,but the pain is still real and im haunted and the images in my sleep that i have of the acts that might have accured to her at home. This made so much stress on me i started losing hair and developed fibrosing alopecia. This is a hair desease that is making me more and more bald ,also i have little hope for this desease to go away sence every day i lose more and more hair. I can’t sleep right anymore and nights are hard ,but I just deal with it now by reading and developing my education because after all this thats all that matters. I have other problems that accur at my home as well with my parents splitting up ,but still living in the same house which makes much arguement between everyone. Yelling is not uncoman in my house ,but I often think of my first love who i helped I believe it was worth is to help her and i believe she will be better off. Maybe I won’t for the time being ,but she will and helping others right now matter more than helping myself so I write this. I still try hard and im now going on my SR. year in high school and going to graduate this year. I also am going to attend college for a MRI Technition career that will hopefuly go threw easier as these past few years. Hopefuly this inspires someone to try there hardest even though there are hard times now and will be in the future.