My names Peter, I experienced a very traumatic event in 1981. I was a soldier in the Army at the time, I was on Command stand too (in aid of Civil Power duty). It was on Valentines Day, I was supposed to go to a local disco in my area that night with my friends but unfortunately to my disgust I was caught to do a duty for another soldier that went sick.

That night in the early hours of the morning we were called out in aid of civil power. We loaded up the trucks and were taken to the City Morgue to set up a Marquee Tent, while setting up this tent the emergency services started bringing in plastic bags and body bags and placed them under our feet while we were erecting the tents. What we were about to see was horriffic, plastic bags began to melt, and severely charred bodies started to emerge, quite a few soldiers started to get sick and had to be relieved from duty,me being the senior soldier (Cpl)on the detail I bit my lip and got on with the job as best I could.

There seemed to be an endless flow of bodies been placed under our feet. I observed an Ambulance Man at the door, I approached him and asked what had happened as we were totally ignorant of what was wrong. The Officer told me that the Stardust had gone up in flames and there were bodies everywhere, well all I could remember was tears rolling down my cheek and me in shock, this was the Disco that I was supposed to attend with my friends that night.

After that night I could not sleep at all, I was worried about my friends and neighbours, My head was spinning and I was very down in myself. After duty that morning I found myself spending the rest of the day trying to make sense of what went wrong. I found it impossible to sleep and on my return to the Army I went sick to the Army Doctor, I explained my problems to him and the horrors that I was subjected to and after examining me he gave me a course of Roche and excused me further duties for two weeks. During my two weeks I started getting flashbacks, seeing the bodies emerge from the bags and I seemed to blame myself (if only I had been there).

After my return off sick leave I was sent to do Border Duty,this was the beginning of the end, I started drinking heavy and trying drugs, I felt my life was falling apart, I felt alone. I then found myself being irrational, un-approachable, un-caring, I felt worthless, and yes I started being unreasonable and ended up fighting on the Border with my comrades. I was arrested and locked in detention, tried and repatriated back to my barracks. I ended up in so much trouble with my superiors, It was totally not me, who was I, a Demon.

My career in the Army was over, shortly afterwards I left the Army approx., five months after the fire in the Disco. After leaving the Army I tried to cope, my marriage broke down, I was having flashbacks and went through bouts of depression I tried to end my life and took an overdose of tablets, I went to see the local Doctor and he sent me to a pyschiatrist, this never sorted out my problem and things got worse, heavy drinking, taking drugs, eventually trying to commit suicide ending up attending another Pysciatrist and Councellor and being diagnosed with suffering with P.T.S.D relating to my traumatic experience back in 1981 (fourteen years ago.) I personally put my blame on the Military Doctor who failed to notice, and treat my disease way back in February 1981.

I hope many more people who go through a traumatic experience are not ignored in the future. I received many years of Councilling since attending a Psyciatrist in 1995. If I hadn’t been seen then, I probably would not be here today to share my story. Today, I can handle the warning signs and deal with my disease thanks to my Councillor, although I will never be totally cured, I will take one day at a time God willing…. Peter….