I was with my husband for seventeen years. THe week I brough my first of four children home from hospital I received an anonymous phone call informing me of my husband’s sexual behaviour, ie sleeping with prostitutes. Despite finding a scrap of evidence I didn’t want to believe that the gentle quiet soul I fell in love with would do this behind my back. I confronted him on various occassions but each time he denied he was being unfaithful.

His behaviour became more and more detached from us as a family and he would spend hours locked in his office playing computer games etc. He would work part of the day but we wouldn’t see him for hours. I discovered he was roaming the coast of which I suspected he was looking for his next sexual fix. After having our fourth daughter he moved out of the marital bed and no longer appeared to want to initiate sex with me.

He refused most advances which led to me feeling inadequate, unloved and that there was much wrong with me. I looked deep within myself blaming me for all that was wrong, when in acutal fact, it was him all along. I spent ten years looking for concrete evidence, hoping he was not being disloyal towards me and then it hit me in the face. I found a USB with a huge amount of porn, pictures of him masturbating naked in a work office and pictures he had taken of himself having unprotected sex with a prostitute on two different occasions. I am unable to comprehend what he must have been thinking to do this. The worst part is I would have fallen pregnant between the two episodes of him visiting with the prostitute who was very young and blonde.

Those pictures have left such a damaging impression on my mind. A man who professes he loves his wife and children, how could he commit such acts and put all our lives at risk. How responsible is that towards the safety of his children. THis man has left me wallowing in the aftermath, raising four daughters that I can’t trust him to protect them emotionally. He certainly destroyed the part of me that I don’t think will ever be able to trust another man again.

It has been a struggle but I will survive and I am just grateful that I have four beautiful daughters to support me…