Surviving Cancer

I had a lump in the right side of my neck for over a year. The last 4 months it was there, it grew very fast and became soft and painful. By the time it was removed, it was 18 inches long from end to end and 9.5 inches up and down. It was almost an inch thick. It wrapped almost completely around the internals of my neck and shoulder. I had other symptoms that clued me in like pain in my head, ear pain, sinus “infection” that wouldn’t get better, etc…) I was terrified.

In march of 2007, the lump was removed and things moved very fast. It was squamous cell carcinoma. I had a pet scan and the primary site was the nasopharynx and that tumor was 4.5 cm. It looked hopeless at that point, even though there were no signs of distant spread. They doctors couldn’t agree on a stage, so it was either stage 2b or stage 4b….Either way, the treatment was the same but the outcome could vary greatly.

I started radiation (2x daily, 5 days a week for 6 weeks) and 3 rounds of cisplatin only chemo exactly one month later. I had already had surgery, which, I later found out was a “no-no” to have before chemo and radiation. It was a very, very rough road. I honestly didn’t think I would make it. My 18 year old daughter was out of state, my 8 year old son looked at me with such fear in his eyes. My hair fell out, I lost 30 pounds (I weighed 118 pounds at the start of treatment) I could not eat and I was so weak. It was the worst time of our lives. I vomited constantly…couldn’t keep anything down. I

was offered a feeding tube, which I refused and a portacath, which, I also refused. I struggled along. My last radiation and chemo treatment were on June 4, 2007 and in August, I had a nose scope..which the doctor said she could see where the tumor WAS. (past tense!!!) and I had a ct scan which came back “beautiful”, as my rad onc put it. In September, I had another pet scan…which came back showing NOTHING at all!!!! My doctor told me I was “cured”..I have since learned that you are not cured until you are 5 years free of disease.

Nonetheless, that was wonderful news. It has been almost a year since my diagnosis and My mouth is terribly dry, still. My hearing was destroyed almost completely. There is a constant buzzing in my ears. My neck and shoulder give me a real fit. There are a host of after effects that I am still dealing with but I thank God that I am here to deal with them. I worry constantly about it coming back. I go for a ct scan of my neck and chest in 9 days and I am completely horrified.

My hair is about 4 inches long now and I put my wig up 2 weeks ago….it feels so good to feel like I am looking almost normal again. The right side of my neck is pretty much missing but that is ok, too. I have to visit a host of doctors regularly and although each visit terrifies me, it is a relief to be in such good hands.

I pray that I live to see my son grow into an adult and to see my daughter excel..I’m going to be a grandma, by the way, in 5 months. I pray for all of us and the families that are touched by this horrible disease. It is not all black and white, there are many, many gray areas..alot i don’t remember (probably for the best) but I do know one thing…never give up. It is worth the fight.